The Invention of Earle Grey Cheese
by DimDim
Summary: Three random people write a fan fiction full of randomness and nothingness.


Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**Bold: Earle Grey Cheese.**

_Italics:Gillyweedrules_

Normal:Google Snook

The Adventures of Harry and Artemis,

Their Gay Relationship with Snape,

And More Importantly,

The Invention of Earle Grey Cheese.

**It was a dark and stormy night. **

_The butterflies had awoken._

Harry Potter was lying, unmistakably asleep, in the dog kennel.

**This was not unusual for him, being the boy who barked. **

_There were scraps of dead ferret lying forgotten on the ground. _

But Harry Potter had a secret: he was mortally afraid of butterflies.

**And tonight as you will remember, the butterflies had awoken…**

_Everything was quiet; except the garden hose that was thrashing around violently._

Harry opened his eyes apprehensively, saw a terrible sight, and screamed in a high-pitched girly Mr. Shinnick-like scream.

**There at the end of the garden hose, doing things to it we will not speak of here, was none other than…Artemis Fowl!**

_He heard the scream and looked for the source, his head spun around like a rabbit that had just been spotted by a blinding light._

This is because he WAS a rabbit that had just been spotted by a blinding light, as Harry noticed, for Harry had just done the 'Lumos Maxima' spell to reveal the rabbit's hiding place.

"**I'm tall." said Ron, who had nothing to with the scene, and wasn't even supposed to be there.**

_"Alas! Earwax", said Dumbledore and he exploded._

Harry blinked twice, shook himself mentally, and got back to the case with Artemis the Rabbit.

**Artemis the Rabbit was doing what rabbits do best, no not eating grass, not even eating carrots; he was as I said before, doing what rabbits do best, wink wink, nudge, nudge. **

_He was swimming in Harry's little paddling pool._

And when I say swimming, I mean sexually abusing little boys (aka Michael Jackson).

**Suddenly a large pack of spiders began to advance on Artemis doing the tap dance, it was then he realized he was going to 'get his own back'. **

_Just then a bolt a lightning struck down and hit poor old Harry._

'AAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!' screamed Harry and Artemis simultaneously, whilst bouncing off the walls of their padded rooms in the Tom Riddle Memorial Mental Asylum.

**It was in that very special moment that Harry realized that he was gay, yes gay, and more importantly, in love with Artemis Fowl. **

_All of a sudden Ron walked into the room and said "I can see the sky" and walked back out again._

Harry rolled his eyes, and then walked up to Artemis and said, 'I don't know if anyone's ever told you this baby, but I LIKE CHEESE!'

'**Really? I love cheese too, Earle Gray or Cannomile?' enquired Artemis, who was too stoned to realize that Earle Gray and Cannomile were both types of tea. **

_'I like the one that Snape makes when I go to his house.' Harry replied._

'But, kind sirs, Dobby has come to warn you sir and Mr. Harry Potter, that there is a plot, a plot to destroy all remaining remnants of cheese this year at Hogwarts, so Harry Potter mustn't return!'

**Presently Artemis and Harry found themselves at Hogwarts; a description of the pair made by a random person goes like this: there were the two gays, and they were like handing out leaflets, about like saving the cheese. **

_But Artemis had no plan to save the cheese, he wanted to take over the entire cheese industry and spread cheese across the world to all the little puppies and kittens who lick everyone's faces._

Little did he know that Harry was Happy, and whenever Harry is Happy, it's a good idea to run for your life.

**But unfortunately, Artemis knew little. **

_Far, far away the Dursleys had just arrived at their home of number seven Privet Drive and when they got inside they realized it was not their house, so Hagrid chased them away with a dead kangaroo and a boomerang._

'WHO ARE YOU? WHAT DO YOU WANT?' Yelled Cedric; before collapsing, dead.

"**I am your father." said Artemis Fowl. **

_Harry was prancing through daisy fields when he realized that he wasn't wearing any clothes._

'If you are my father, then does that mean Harry is my mother?' inquired Cedric.

'**Well not exactly, you see, the best way to put it is, we have the same mother.' **

_Draco Malfoy took this opportunity to get involved with the story by going on a shopping spree with Cedric and Harry._

'So, girlfriends, I like totally need to buy some new thongs, yeah,' said Draco, strutting alongside Harry and Cedric, who raised their eyebrows and said, 'I'm sorry, Draco, but we're actually gay and involved together, so there's no room for a threesome.'

**Draco then fled the scene crying, but was later found in a deserted car park singing the following song:**

**Harry's boyfriend has got it goin' on**

**He's all I want and I've waited for so long**

**Potter can't you see your just not the girl/boy for me**

**I know it might be called gayism, but I'm in love with Harry's boyfriend **

_Neville, being the brave twit that he was, rushed to the scene to comfort poor Draco, who had, once again, been rejected by a fellow male._

'All I wanted,' sobbed Draco, 'was to be loved by a fellow poofter, but there aren't many gay people in this world -

all the hot guys are either into girls, or into each other, which means no one wants me, except Professor Flitwick who keeps hitting on me!'

"I feel so sorry for you." said Neville.

"**Even Professor Dumbledore is onto you, it must be hard being gay when nobody loves you except old retards.'**

_"Oh it hurts terribly, can't possible do any homework for weeks."_

Harry was so stoned that people assumed he was literally a stunned mullet, so he decided that now was a good time to perform his trademark line: 'BOO YAH - WHO LIKES SHORT SHORTS? I LIKE SHORT SHORTS!'

The End 


End file.
